Watashi no hikari

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need.
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why.
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

My demons still haunt me. And yet, every time you talk to (or more appropriately: chat with) me, they go away.
How I wish reality was that simple. I still bear my curse, and I fear it will take quite some time to break it, and I fear I am not deserving of your patience.

Take me high and I'll sing.
Oh, you make everything okay.
We are one and the same.
Oh, you take all of the pain away.
Save me if I become my demons.

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"

Write me off, give up on me

'Cause darling, what did you expect?

I'm just off a lost cause;

A long shot, don't even take this bet.

Why is this song now coming back to haunt me?

I once told her that this song embodied the story of my life. She responded by saying that I may have just meant it to be for my previous love life, and that she feels sorry for me if it was indeed the epitome of my whole life. I thought then that she was probably right. I felt sorry then too, for myself being felt sorry for by the girl of my dreams. I told myself then that I'd stop being late in things that really matter, if only for her sake. But why can't I just stop being late? In love, in life... Why do I always put everything on hold until the chances slip away again? I should know better, and yet why can't I do better?

I set my clock my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late.

"You don't dictate what I feel."

You're right. I should have known better.

But the irony of it all... is that you do.

A green dot

I guess my problem is... I don't know how to be more than that to you. But I'm trying.

Jester

As her words rang through his head,

His heart wailed in response

Lamentations which reverberated

With a strength that would've ruptured its walls,
Had he not been so silently resilient
Against these unwanted but wonted
Alternating currents of torment and hope.

And that was the moment he knew

The heart breaks from the inside.

For if love is naught but jest,

How could a fool's love be realized?

And if love is not, and a fool could love

How could he realize it at all?

"I can't take you seriously," she said.

Coil

So it seems the key I thought would unlock the remnants of the chains that once bound me slipped out of my hands again. Oddly enough, I didn't feel any regret. Rather, I'd realized then that the chains have rusted away, and that I could detach them myself.

I've had an interesting conversation with a friend the same day. I pointed out to her that I found some girl there cute, and she proceeded to accuse me of not being able to stick to one "crush", as she put it. My defense was that we differed in our definitions of "crush", "admiration", and "attraction". For me, having a crush on someone is just admiring said person for certain qualities they possess, while not necessarily being drawn to said person. Attraction would then be a stronger form of having a crush, for it would include being drawn to the crush. From this, maybe, just maybe, I would define falling in love to be a state of perpetual attraction to a person without knowing the reason/s why, because that seems to be what I am currently experiencing. But how could I even dare to define what is love? baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more I'm surprised I'm even trying while only having slept for one or two hours at most.

But I kinda really fucked up yesterday though.

Tongue-tied

I'll need a little more luck than a little bit
'Cause every time I get stuck, the words won't fit
And every time that I try, I get tongue-tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

So today (or tomorrow), I'm gonna try to lift this curse I so claim I placed upon myself some time ago. My curse of always losing my words, when it matters. Words... Oh such torturous things, always chewing up the only ones I ever mean. The curse of those who the dance floor didn't love, and whose lips couldn't move fast enough. But things have changed for me, and that's okay, I'm on my way, and no longer am I afraid that I may have faked it, and I wouldn't be caught dead in this place. To be honest, I'm not completely sure if this will help my case, but I just don't wanna be here again, in this state of much lengthy contemplation to the point of missing chances. Not this time. Not with her.

Guess that's enough for now. I got the "good luck" I wanted so I guess the time is drawing nigh. I just hope I get the opportunity to talk to the queen, who once reigned over my heart. I've moved on but I think I need to do this to be deserving of having done that.

Radiant Howl

I didn't think I'd have a need for this,

But I guess now's a good time.

For when light enters a cave,

Don't the bats make their getaway?

Like a werewolf under a full moon

My heart howls, eyeing one with

A radiance so dazzling that it makes

The darkness fade into the light.

But is one shrouded in such darkness

Worthy of basking in such light?

The sun doth giveth the moon its gleam

But the day and the night cannot coincide.

The moon, however, does not give up the chase.