Mirai

I hope it all works out in the end.

Numerical Equivalence

Those few seconds in your warm embrace are probably enough to last me for a lifetime.


But I still crave for more.

My favorite hiding place

...has probably been found out.

By you. :)))))
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So I guess this means you'd have to be my favorite hiding place now? @-)

Apathy

Is it a direct consequence of not knowing anything? If yes, then by all means I am apathetic.

I'm sorry I can't give a fuck if I don't even know what's happening.

I'm sorry I'm always kept in the dark.

Reality

Is it to be found in our late night conversations, or our real-life interactions?

Star-crossed

it's 2 a.m.,
my mind's a blank;
probably both our minds are
and it might be that
i'll lose mine tonight
whence my heart is sure to follow

'cause darling,
this is the reason i'm afraid
of you falling for me;
not of me falling for you,
i'm afraid i already have.

Starlight

I will be chasing the starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms


My emotions are leaking. Why did I have that little episode of melodrama? Why do I have to be like this?


Why does love offer both ecstasy and melancholy?
Why is it that only the latter sticks to me?

But I do.

Could you, so I may?

Imperfect

is an understatement.

Why does the person behind my eyelids have to be way out of my league?

Melodrama

Fuck, I just had to have that episode, didn't I? Is everything really okay? Why does every fucking sad thought have to linger yet happy ones just pass me by?

The feeling of wanting to hold something delicate, when you know you have butterfingers. Yearning to touch a beautiful thing yet not wanting to taint it with sullied hands.

Hindsight

My mind fails me when I'm with you. Should I have...?

Almost

almost got my chance to be alone with you
then
almost lost everything
then
almost told you how I really feel
then
almost got caught crying
then
almost gave up on you

and for that i am sorry

but do know that
though my words and actions betray me
what i feel for you holds true

Nervous

The date was supposed to be March 31 but today is March 30. :))))

Only a handful of people would get that. =))))

But seriously.

March 31.

That date. :))

Hope I don't falter like 3 years ago.

Misfortune

i saw in you a fighter's soul
one which has fought many battles
and pulled through by the skin of its teeth
a soul tainted yet beautiful
with walls put up sheltering itself away from pain
yet also from the light it so desperately needs
to see how it's come so far and yet still glimmer

Sorry.

When did I become such a dick? Or rather, how come I've only noticed now?

Nihon

Damn cold in here. :)))) I have so many stories to tell or write about but some part of me wants to share them to her first. And I feel like I should make a separate blog for my less inner thoughts @-). I also wanna continue writing shit poems but I really cannot find order in this chaotic mesh of stimuli.

And yep, I was the one who yielded. >_<

I'll miss you too

I'm leaving for another place, albeit temporarily. And I can already see myself wanting to tell you all about that place, and every little thing there that interests me (of which there are probably a lot). To be honest, I'm torn between trying to talk to you every chance I get while I'm there, or making you miss me because, as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. But I'll probably be the one to yield in the latter.

It's hard to write of purely happy things. :)) Sad thoughts always somehow worm their way into my mind. But I guess this time I can say that I am happy.

Sorrow

I guess the problem is that I let you dictate almost everything I feel, and you don't even know.

Mystearica

My tears cannot wash you off the back of my eyelids, but they blur every other thought apparently.

The green dot

How I long to talk to her, even when that green dot has turned into a mobile phone icon.

How I long to tell her stories, wherein my eyes could see her reaction.

How I long to make her laugh, wherein my ears could hear her laughter.

How I long to see her smile, the type not expressed by keyboard symbols.

How I long to bask in her warm embrace, without having to imagine it from an emoticon.

How I long for a chat box to turn into reality.

Go ahead

Go ahead, and tear my heart out,
Then sew it back together
With the threads of your love
Without providing anesthesia,
For I am fated, but hopefully not ill-fated,
To never go numb to you.
And yet I fear the day
That you will stop embroidering my heart
With every little thing you do.
So do as you please;
I offer to you this heart of mine.
For you to take it would be my eternal pleasure,
And for you to break it my eternal privilege.

Mystery

I hope that it'll forever be one I can't fully unravel, but keep at it anyway.

Turmoil

Could I be another calamity in your tempestuous life?
Or the gale blowing opposite the winds of grief, that which will cancel them all out?

Could I have been a complete waste of your precious time,
Or have offered you escape in such dire circumstances?

Could I have entered your life at the wrong time?
Or could you need me now, more than ever, as much as I need you?

Could I have been a hindrance from all that you undertook,
Or have been a source of inspiration to you, very much like how you have always been my muse?

Propinquity

Big word. :))) Maybe I have problems gauging just how close I am to other people. And it's such a wonder that proximity between people is an intransitive relation. One can be close to a person, yet not to that person's other close friends. And how does one know if he/she is close enough to another? I thought that if I kept pouring out my soul unto you, we'd get closer, but meseems I'm the only one taking a spill.

I'm sorry

As I write now with a heavy heart I hope
That I could bear the brunt of it all for you
And never make you shed tears not of joy,
For mine are at the thought that yours were.

I'm sorry that I may have been insensitive.
I'm sorry that the sad thoughts keep taking over.
I'm sorry that all I am is sorrow.
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I'm sorry that I could scream the words to hundreds, yet not make you feel that they're true.
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I'm sorry that I'd inflicted you with my melancholy.
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I'm sorry that all I can say is "I'm sorry."

And I'm sorry that I'm still thinking about it, even after you told me not to.

Coffee

The only time I drank a cup of coffee was for a project I don't even remember finishing, nor do I remember finishing that cup. And I would've probably needed one tonight, if you weren't so capable of keeping me up and giving me palpitations, much like the way coffee does.

Tong-its

May gusto ka bang sabihin
Ba't 'di mapakali
Ni hindi makatingin
Sana'y 'wag mo na itong palipasin

Sana'y ang situasyon natin ay katulad ng nais ipabatid ng mga katagang ito, pero sana'y hindi na umabot sa mga susunod na linya ng kanta, sapagkat minsan naiisip ko na hindi talaga ako nararapat para sa'yo. :)))

I don't know what to say either

It's so difficult to break the silence
Amid the impenetrable loquacity
That you share in the company of others.
And I cannot fathom the reason why,
Though I so desire to get a glimpse of your soul,
My knees go weak at the thought of approaching you.
And no matter how shallow they may be to you,
I relish every little tête-à-tête we have,
For only in them could I voice out,
Or perhaps type out, my thoughts to you.
So please don't lose what little interest you might have in me,
Maybe someday I can do better.

Awkward

I searched for the words I'd hoped to impart
Lest the two of us grow farther apart.
Yet I never deemed myself as worthy
Of your time as other people could be.

For your laughter is an aphrodisiac;
Thoughts of you make me an insomniac;
Seeing you makes all my courage falter;
And your entirety makes my heart flutter.

As I write now of triumph and regret,
Sentiments I probably won't forget,
I wish I'd spoken to you a bit more,
'Cause you are the only one I yearn for.

Yer So Special

Oh I'll never be lonely again
Just as long as you stand by me now
And everyday I'll spend my time
Finding out why you're so special

Damn song sounds so old yet expresses exactly what I feel. =)))

Song of the unsung for the sake of the forsaken

To the one who asked me, for so long,
To listen to the same old sad song
How could it be that you've never known
That I was also humming my own?

To the one who kept me in the light
Of all things that happen left to right
Why am I, to whom you've made a mark,
Feeling like a shadow in the dark?

To the one I've tried to escape from,
the one I think of on my lonesome,
I've grown tired of hearing of your chase,
for was I ever part of the race?

To the one whom I had fallen for,
whose warmth I'm attempting to ignore
I wonder what it is you will do,
on knowing I've always sung for you?

I made this poem some time ago for a friend going through love troubles of her own. I'm just posting it now 'cause I've thought of a witty-as-fuck title for it. =))))

Huh, this is probably the first time I've used an emoticon in a blog post (not counting the labels). Feels weird, but it's probably because this is also the first time I'm not posting about my troubles. :))

"Abot Kamay"

Nakaw tingin
Sumasabay sa hangin
Sabihin mo sa akin
Anong kailangan kong gawin?
Upang malapitan
Mamasdan, at mahawakan
Taglay mong kagandahan

Never could a song's lyrics be so perfectly fitting yet its melody be so out of place. Or maybe I'm the only one who thinks of it as a sad song?

Gödel's Incompleteness Theorem

Though our times together may have been finite,
The moments I cherish form an uncountable set.
And as the countdown approached zero,
I wished that my limits did not exist.

I once thought me to be an immovable object,
Only to be gravitated by your unstoppable force.

Love is the bane of a logical mind,
And logic that of a loving heart.
From this I have found my proof
That my love for you is not an axiomatic system
For it is both consistent and complete.

Opportunities

It's becoming increasingly difficult to create them. I'd already realized that waiting for such chances would lead nowhere, but it sure seems that I'm walking down a road paved only with good intentions. But I'll keep walking. Hell or glory, I don't want anything in between.

The fated day is fast approaching... I'd need to think of something fast.

x^2 + y^2 = r^2

I feel sad that I've made you feel sad that you've made me feel sad. We've come full circle.

Hopefully next time we could be stuck not in a circle of sorrow, but in a spiral of bliss.

Logic

Or is it paranoia? I feel like I'm being watched by a certain Mobile Safari. Maybe it was that poem I shared with her. Did I make her sad? Was it something I said? Or something I never did?

If that Mobile Safari is really who I suspect, or perhaps fear it to be, what then?

What am I fighting for?

FeBERuary is a Ber month alright. It just started and it's already too damn cold in here. I am too dazed by what I've just been subjected to so I can't think of any way to translate what I feel to poetry right now, so I must have made a lame ass joke just now, right?

Said “I'm ok”, but I know how to lie 
I will never give up, no I'll never give up 
What am I fighting for? 
There must be something more 
For all these words I sing 
Do you feel anything? 

Do you not realize that you just almost broke my already battered heart?

Watashi no hikari

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need.
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why.
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

My demons still haunt me. And yet, every time you talk to (or more appropriately: chat with) me, they go away.
How I wish reality was that simple. I still bear my curse, and I fear it will take quite some time to break it, and I fear I am not deserving of your patience.

Take me high and I'll sing.
Oh, you make everything okay.
We are one and the same.
Oh, you take all of the pain away.
Save me if I become my demons.

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"

Write me off, give up on me

'Cause darling, what did you expect?

I'm just off a lost cause;

A long shot, don't even take this bet.

Why is this song now coming back to haunt me?

I once told her that this song embodied the story of my life. She responded by saying that I may have just meant it to be for my previous love life, and that she feels sorry for me if it was indeed the epitome of my whole life. I thought then that she was probably right. I felt sorry then too, for myself being felt sorry for by the girl of my dreams. I told myself then that I'd stop being late in things that really matter, if only for her sake. But why can't I just stop being late? In love, in life... Why do I always put everything on hold until the chances slip away again? I should know better, and yet why can't I do better?

I set my clock my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late.

"You don't dictate what I feel."

You're right. I should have known better.

But the irony of it all... is that you do.

A green dot

I guess my problem is... I don't know how to be more than that to you. But I'm trying.

Jester

As her words rang through his head,

His heart wailed in response

Lamentations which reverberated

With a strength that would've ruptured its walls,
Had he not been so silently resilient
Against these unwanted but wonted
Alternating currents of torment and hope.

And that was the moment he knew

The heart breaks from the inside.

For if love is naught but jest,

How could a fool's love be realized?

And if love is not, and a fool could love

How could he realize it at all?

"I can't take you seriously," she said.

Coil

So it seems the key I thought would unlock the remnants of the chains that once bound me slipped out of my hands again. Oddly enough, I didn't feel any regret. Rather, I'd realized then that the chains have rusted away, and that I could detach them myself.

I've had an interesting conversation with a friend the same day. I pointed out to her that I found some girl there cute, and she proceeded to accuse me of not being able to stick to one "crush", as she put it. My defense was that we differed in our definitions of "crush", "admiration", and "attraction". For me, having a crush on someone is just admiring said person for certain qualities they possess, while not necessarily being drawn to said person. Attraction would then be a stronger form of having a crush, for it would include being drawn to the crush. From this, maybe, just maybe, I would define falling in love to be a state of perpetual attraction to a person without knowing the reason/s why, because that seems to be what I am currently experiencing. But how could I even dare to define what is love? baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more I'm surprised I'm even trying while only having slept for one or two hours at most.

But I kinda really fucked up yesterday though.

Tongue-tied

I'll need a little more luck than a little bit
'Cause every time I get stuck, the words won't fit
And every time that I try, I get tongue-tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

So today (or tomorrow), I'm gonna try to lift this curse I so claim I placed upon myself some time ago. My curse of always losing my words, when it matters. Words... Oh such torturous things, always chewing up the only ones I ever mean. The curse of those who the dance floor didn't love, and whose lips couldn't move fast enough. But things have changed for me, and that's okay, I'm on my way, and no longer am I afraid that I may have faked it, and I wouldn't be caught dead in this place. To be honest, I'm not completely sure if this will help my case, but I just don't wanna be here again, in this state of much lengthy contemplation to the point of missing chances. Not this time. Not with her.

Guess that's enough for now. I got the "good luck" I wanted so I guess the time is drawing nigh. I just hope I get the opportunity to talk to the queen, who once reigned over my heart. I've moved on but I think I need to do this to be deserving of having done that.

Radiant Howl

I didn't think I'd have a need for this,

But I guess now's a good time.

For when light enters a cave,

Don't the bats make their getaway?

Like a werewolf under a full moon

My heart howls, eyeing one with

A radiance so dazzling that it makes

The darkness fade into the light.

But is one shrouded in such darkness

Worthy of basking in such light?

The sun doth giveth the moon its gleam

But the day and the night cannot coincide.

The moon, however, does not give up the chase.